i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
