Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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