im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
