she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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