forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
