I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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