I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
