I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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