girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
