I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
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I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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