Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
