I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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