You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You took a bar mat shot.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
