i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Alive.
So much puke
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
