Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
