i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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