Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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