Sponge bath it is.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
