My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
