...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
