either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We talked him into tasing himself.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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