Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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