I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize