i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
