Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
