I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"