Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell