piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night