My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Werenâ€™t Attracted To
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi