I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.