I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.