New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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