I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
