The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
