The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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