I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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