but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you had me at cake vodka
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
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I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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