We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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