I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
