I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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