i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
