Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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