My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
