I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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