I'm jealous of your bromance
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
