i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i drank out of a bidet.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
