i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
