There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
