I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
