Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
