he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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