the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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