Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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