Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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