Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
