I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
