I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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