I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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