The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
