I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
