The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
