i already hear my dad disowning me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
