i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
