I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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