I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
