i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
