Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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