First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I deserve this hangover.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
