This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
