DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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