I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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