awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
