If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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