why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
