so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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