I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
