Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
