We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
